fears

June 2nd, 2010 by iyahthought

They say that in everything you do, it’s nice to start with a good one. Well I guess it’s nice too to write something good in here. But basically, I have nothing good in mind right now for I was turned down twice just few seconds ago. I just smiled at it. For it’s easier to hide thru smiles than to hide your a-bit-annoyed-hurt face from everyone else here. I am done with the crying part and it’s not a bad start after all.

I am not feeling well (literally and not). I have these damn colds for like 3 days now and I still have no signs of wanting it to leave me alone though I need company basically. (Thanks God for the so much of a helper tissue) I’ve been pushing it away so hard that I could but it keeps on coming back and I don’t know where the hell this virus do came from knowing that my nose isn’t that big to accommodate them all. Damn damn damn. I thought I am done with them a long time ago.

After so many times of attempting to finish the series, I’ve continued watching “one three hill” for like 5 hours today while trying to drain my nose with that damn virus. But guess what, watching it just added them up so fast. Well it has a company and it has a name, “TEARS”. Now I’m wrong with what I typed in few sentences ago. (hehehe). It is a good series to watch and I’m only on the 3^rd season of it and as far as I know, it’s 3 seasons to go. One writer quotes there (though not the exact words coz I am not really good on memorizing now): “The one that could give you the feeling of success is by doing the things that you fear the most”. It’s not that far from what I remembered. Hehehe.

Fears. I have my own share of it. From the smallest to the huge ones. From those flying bats and “tilas” to ghost and vampires. From failing a test or even a subject to losing someone. From seeing my dreams shattered into pieces to not really seeing of achieving what I want. From my terror teachers and professors to facing those people that I’ve hurt.

In a different aspect of fears, I can say that I’ve been dealing with it for quite a long time. I’ve been battling with it knowing that someday somehow I could again be welcome to his lair. The place that I myself had once found happiness and acceptance. It doesn’t matter to me how many times I will be rejected or even make me feel that I do not exist. Time heals all wounds they say. There are just wounds that are deep and needs longer time to heal.

I’ve passed some of the so-called fear and I know for sure that if time permits, I’m going to be seeing them walking along with me through life. Coz I really have to deal with it. With them in particular. They say that life is like a crossroad. There will come a time that ours will meet and I am hoping that I’m fully prepared for it if that time comes. Fears, here I come or should I say “welcome aboard!”