June 29th, 2009 by iyahthought
“Para kay B… (o kung paano dinevastate ng pag-ibig ang 4 out 5 sa atin)” by Rickey Lee– Title of the book I just finished reading. My sister bought that book after reading the comments of some of the famous personalities (though some are not to me). TV host, Vocalist, Director.
It is about 5 love stories of women namely Irene, Sandra, Erica, Ester and Bessie.
A promised love of a young heart, love for a brother, searching for love and its meaning, love for the same sex and untold love.
Each story didn’t end like most of a fairytale do. It didn’t end satisfying the expectations of the reader’s mind and the characters’ will.
It ended up as a story of the author and how he handled those five women giving them the ending that they want. Making them believe that the ending is really not about him. Not about his fears and rejections that he is trying to avoid in his entire life. Is he just afraid to get hurt knowing the truth it is his true story. That it is his own story. The author of the book became the time that decides on when will it permits those five women to continue their journey to the ending that their hearts desire. It is a matter of choice if they will grab that chance when given to them.
Where does my story falls? Or should I say had fallen. Saan nga ba ako kabilang sa limang istoryang aking nabasa? I’ve never experienced to be so much in love at a young age (crush lang lagi… hehehe). Nor have I loved my brother and people of same sex more than I should.
Untold love?
A long time ago it was. I have gathered all the courage that I need to tell him what I feel and hid inside my heart. All those quiet moments of praises, day dreaming and imaginations have ended. All those faces of shyness and stammering have been exposed instead.
Is it really love that I feel for that certain person?
If composing poems and stories is a sign that I am.
If sending him birthday cards is a sign that I am.
If he has never been in my dreams is a sign that I am. (Though it’s kinda weird)
If keeping those printed conversations is a sign that I am.
If visiting his FS almost everyday is a sign that I am.
If trying to avoid (even if I don’t want to) not to be online is a sign that I am.
If being interested on what he likes is a sign that I am.
If pretending that I am not in love is a sign that I truly am.
Then I really am. =)
Am I searching for true love?
Who isn’t anyway? I bet that every one of us wants to have a fairytale ending where true love does exist. Though it doesn’t really resembles those that our mother patiently reads when we are still young and we have no idea what it would be like when we reach adulthood. We have just been introduced with what love is. An idea that our young minds and hearts could understand. As simple as that.
Do I know the real meaning of it?
Sometimes I do, more often than not, I don’t. The love that I was accustomed to is like a bundle of my favorites. It’s like singing songs that I love, poem that I composed, the rainbow in the sky, the stars and the moon, dancing under the rain, smiling without obvious reasons, giving and sharing a part of me, definitely no pains, heartaches, bitterness and sorrows. Not salt in my pillows but smells of cologne, not sleepless nights but endless dreams, not doubt but trust. It’s like feeling that I am special and important to someone else’s life.
Like the characters of each story, my story too has an ending that I’d like to happen. Once did it occur that chances for it to become a reality seem out of sight and out of grip. I thought my own story or shall I say my love story has ended when I let my tears flow and let the pain invade my heart. Merely ended not like a fairytale. I already welcomed single blessedness but only for a while. It’s just a visit that helped me or accompanied me when I’m in a state that I was almost an inch closer to giving up the battle. I was awakened by the fact that pain isn’t just there to hurt me but to teach and try my strength.
I’ll just let time decides on when will it permits me to grab that chance and make a choice.
After all, life is like an exam with multiple choice, true or false and definition. First you learn and define what life for you is. Then you will learn to distinguish truth from lies. Then you will choose the path that you will have to take. If you thought you have chosen the wrong one, you could always turn back and correct it. You don’t have to be in a hurry for you have all the time that you need. You just need to use time wisely and carefully. Time is always there. It is us that aren’t permanently there. If you still have the strength to correct every single mistake that you made, do it. Before you run out not of time but of your last breath.
No comments:
Post a Comment